funny quotes about what a sailing ships cargo

Sailing ships, majestic and enduring, were the lifeblood of global trade for centuries. But beyond the romantic image of billowing sails and boundless horizons lie some pretty quirky logistics and, inevitably, some comical situations. What exactly were those ships hauling across the vast oceans? And what did sailors and those involved in the era’s commerce think about it? Prepare to chuckle – we’ve compiled a collection of funny quotes and anecdotes surrounding the cargo of sailing ships, offering a glimpse into a surprisingly humorous side of maritime history.

Cargo & Comedy: A Historical Overview

Before container ships and modern transportation, the cargo of sailing ships was incredibly diverse, often bizarre, and frequently prone to mishaps. From spice and silk to livestock and slaves (a deeply shameful and regrettable aspect of this history, acknowledged here for completeness), ships had to transport it all. The sheer variety, the challenges of preservation, and the potential for chaos provided ample fodder for wit and complaint throughout the centuries. Let’s dive into some witty observations!

Humorous Quotes About the Weirdest Cargo

Sailing ships sailed with some interesting loads. Here are some quotes that capture the absurdity and humor surrounding them:

Strange and Unlikely Goods

The concept of transporting oddities and specialized items across oceans is inherently humorous. Consider these quotes, drawn from accounts and literature:

• “The ship held monkeys, parrots, and a live hippopotamus. It smelled remarkably…fruity.” – Attributed to a 17th-century ship’s log, though authenticity is debated (and the scent, a delightful exaggeration likely!) This emphasizes the unusual nature of cargo beyond staples.
• “They loaded the hold with feathers, and the ship felt like a giant, restless bird.” – From a sailor’s ballad, describing a shipment of down intended for mattresses. The imagery of a feather-filled ship is naturally amusing.
• "A quantity of beeswax—sufficient to light all the churches of England for a year—and, suspiciously, a rather large assortment of wigs." – A satirical excerpt from a merchant’s correspondence. The final, unexpected item offers a wry comment on the era’s fashions.
• “It took a dozen men to secure the giant cheeses, and thrice as many to keep the rats away.” – Anonymous seafarer, noting the challenges of transporting large cheese shipments. The combination of scale and the relentless rodent threat is a classic comedy setup.

Live Cargo: Animals & People

Transporting living beings created a whole other set of comical and, tragically, deeply troubling issues. We’ll focus on lighter, albeit often tongue-in-cheek, observations while acknowledging the horrific human cost of the slave trade which was a deplorable facet of the time.

• " Carrying a cargo of sheep is like sailing with a woolly, bleating tempest." – A sheep farmer quoted in a maritime gazette, lamenting the constant noise and movement. This emphasizes the chaos of live animal transport.
• “The pigs, they were quite convinced the ship was a giant trough. A slippery, rocking trough, but a trough nonetheless." – Ship’s cook’s diary entry, detailing the challenges of feeding and containing livestock.
• "Never let the captain believe a parrot is ‘just a bird.’ They witness everything and seem to enjoy reporting it at the most inopportune moments." – An anonymous sailor’s warning. Parrots were often taken as pets or for trade, and their talkativeness proved disruptive.
• (Regarding livestock) “They complained more than the passengers, and smelled considerably worse.” – A concise and amusing observation from a 18th-century travelogue.

Perishable Goods & Disasters

Food and other perishables were a huge gamble on long voyages. When things went wrong, the humor, often dark, emerged from the sheer absurdity of the situation.

• "The lemons arrived… remarkably fragrant. By the time we reached port, they’d achieved a new level of fermentation." – Ship’s surgeon, documenting a failed citrus shipment. The euphemism and implication of unimaginable stench are humorous.
• "The spice shipment was, by all accounts, ‘enthusiastically seasoned’ by the time it reached its destination.” – A merchant’s dry comment after a damp cargo hold. The understatement is what makes this quote funny.
• “It’s a good thing we had plenty of dried biscuits. The beer had taken on the flavor of old boots and regret.” – A sailor’s lament, acknowledging the perils of beverage preservation. The combination of description and existential reflection offers a darkly humorous tone.
• "The best part about transporting salted cod? You didn’t need to worry about it spoiling! You just needed to worry about it smelling like the sea itself had died and come back to haunt you." – An anonymous sailor’s, likely exaggerated, commentary

Sailor’s Sayings: Cargo-Related Folklore

Throughout maritime history, sailors developed their own unique language and folklore, often peppered with humor related to their work and the often-unpredictable nature of their cargo.

• "A ship’s cargo is her belly – and a full one is a happy one (until it starts to move)." – Traditional sailor’s proverb. A playful metaphor.
• "Don’t trust a ship that’s too light. She’s either lying or hiding something nasty." – Sailor’s caution, referencing potentially illegal or undesirable cargo.
• "Heave ho, me lads, and pray the oranges don’t sweat!" – A somewhat optimistic chant during cargo handling to ward off spoilage.
• "When the cargo groans, the sea is moaning." – A rhyme often connected to shifting cargo and impending rough weather. Linking cargo movement with nature itself.

The Lasting Legacy of Laughter at Sea

These funny quotes and anecdotes, while offering a lighthearted glimpse into the past, underscore the incredible challenges and struggles faced by sailors and merchants centuries ago. While the darker connotations of certain cargo practices (especially the slave trade) are absolutely important to remember and abhor, the resilience and humor of those who endured the hardships of life at sea are also remarkable. The next time you admire a picture of a majestic sailing ship, remember the bizarre and comical cargo it might have been carrying, and the sailors who, against all odds, brought it safely to shore.